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Be My Valentine

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Be My Valentine

It’s that time of year again! Love is in the air and everything buds with romance. I love this holiday. Not so much the commercialization of it all but I love the hand written notes. Can we all just go back to that? I think it is the one time of year when people profess to each other how much they mean to one another. I love not only when someone says what they mean but when they also write it down. Maybe I am old fashioned but there is something to receiving a nice letter or card from someone you love, telling you how much you mean to them.

It is also the time of year when I hear friends and loved ones disappointed because their significant other didn’t do this or that for Valentine’s Day and how they are let down year after year.

My advice is stop with the expectations! If your sweetheart isn’t a romantic person don’t expect them to be. If you know they love you, then that is enough. If you want them to express it in different ways. Tell them how. They aren’t mind readers and honestly most people don’t know what you need to feel loved unless you tell them. If you never tell them they will always get it wrong.

I have learned over the years to take care of my own needs and to stop passing that responsibility on to someone else. If I feel like it is has been a hard week and I just need some beautiful flowers to cheer me up, I go buy me some! Don’t wait for someone else to come along and do that. You have to find value in yourself and take care of yourself. Whether it is treating yourself to a quiet dinner, flowers, or a movie. Do it. You don’t need someone else to do that stuff for you.

However, when you are in a relationship it is the day to day nice things that you do for each other that you need to be thankful for. Be aware of those things. Make note of it not just mentally but tell the other person how that made you feel and how grateful you are for those little gestures. Those little gestures are often taken for granted and seem to be just expected after time. Don’t let your sweetheart forget how much you need them and are thankful for them. For me I would rather have those sweet little things throughout the year than one day of forced romance.

So Happy Valentine’s Day to you! May it be filled with appreciation, kindness and love.

If you miss out on Valentine’s Day or don’t care for the commercialized holiday feel free to celebrate with me on February 15th when flowers and candy are 50% off! One of my favorite days to celebrate and splurge on myself.


We are all Young and Dumb

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We are all Young and Dumb

Often growing up I can remember thinking I was never pretty enough, skinny enough, or smart enough. I am not exactly sure when those ideas started forming in my head and why I constantly thought I had to compare myself to others. Sadly I confirmed some of those ideas with little comments here and there that I heard from friends and family. Now looking back I am sure the comments were off the cuff supposed to be funny or people weren’t even serious but somehow in my twisted brain they clung to me. Those comments and words enforced my insecurities.

For years I battled myself, my inner thoughts, my inner critic. The more I bettered myself and grew the quieter those voices would be. But like the waves on an ocean they would come back, loud and vicious. It wasn’t until I had my son that I finally was able to see a glimpse of myself as God sees me.

I remember it so vividly. When I sat in that hospital bed holding my son. This wave of calming peace came over me. I looked into his beautiful blue eyes and my breath was taken away. Literally! I was overwhelmed with how perfectly made he was. Not just because he had ten fingers and ten toes (I did count them) but the greatness this child had within him. This little thing hadn’t even spoken a word or done anything to prove that he was funny, or brilliant in any way. Yet there I was in awe of how powerful he was and how he was full of unlimited potential.

In that moment it clicked! That is how God sees me. Tears rolled down my face as I thought how crazy it was that I had gone all those years critiquing every detail of myself, breaking myself down, when I too am powerful and full of unlimited potential. I would love to say I hung on to that moment and immediately started living my life just as I saw myself in that moment. It has taken me years of learning to get rid of that inner enemy.

Les Brown quoted an African proverb “When there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do you no harm.”

I truly believe there is nothing I can’t do. Nothing I can’t learn, and there is nothing that I am fearful of. I whole heartedly believe that what you speak over yourself is manifested. In getting to this place I no longer worry about what people say about me. That doesn’t mean opinions don’t matter, I just don’t let other’s opinions of myself and my goals deter me from where I’m going. I have learned the opinions of others are founded in their own insecurities and understandings anyways (but that’s for another blog).

Like I said to get to this place in my life has taken many years. The little baby that I held in my arms isn’t so little any more. I am so very thankful that he still lets me hold him and hug him but that little baby is a young man standing at one of the cross roads in life. Just about to graduate high school where he must choose a direction. Where he will go to college, and what he will study. It kills me sometimes when I hear him speak negatively of himself. When I hear him talk about the self doubt and insecurities he has. I just want to shake him! I know it is his journey in life and he has to learn to believe in himself. I just can’t help seeing him like I saw him for the very first time.

How young and dumb we all really are! How many years we waste on stuff that doesn’t matter. Fighting an inner battle on thoughts that are based on falsehoods.

As a mom all you want your kids to do is go out in the world and be happy. He rolls his eyes when I tell him how handsome and smart he is. Telling me “you have to say that you’re my mom”. If only he could see what I see. Despite his imperfections and the dumb stuff he does, I can’t help but see he has the world in the palm of his hands. Like everyone else he has unlimited potential and greatness waiting to be unleashed if only he is willing to believe in himself.

How to find time to do it all!

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Let’s be honest there is never enough time in the day to do all the things we need or want to do in the day. I use to dream about not going to sleep just so I could get more things done. I was so happy in my dream telling everyone how we don’t really need sleep and how much nicer it was to be able to work 24hrs a day. I am not so sure that was a dream but more of a nightmare! However, I do often ponder how much more productive I would be if I didn’t have to sleep.

The truth is sleep is very important to our body and mental state. I didn’t realize how important sleep was until I had my son. He was such a good baby he just never slept! He wasn’t ever crabby or upset he just didn’t want to sleep. I used to envy mothers who would brag about how they got their baby on a sleep schedule, when I couldn’t sleep for fear something would happen to my little one the second I took my eyes off of him. Being a first time parent far from family even made it worse for me. I would go days with little to no sleep while my husband went to college and worked. I remember driving home to my parents house which was only three hours away just so I could crash for hours at a time while my son goo-gooed and smiled happily with his grandparents. If you haven’t had the experience of having a new born and the joys of no sleep it is a horrible and wonderful experience all at the same time and crazily I miss those days!

What I found out during that time though was that the lack of sleep really messed with my brain and body. I had trouble remembering things, I would become frazzled easily, I started gaining weight and felt more lethargic than ever in my life. The good news is we got into a rhythm and found what worked for our family. I finally started getting more than two hours of sleep at a time and slowly inched my way back to normal.

As time went by and life got busier I had to learn to prioritize. I mean we all have the same amount of time in the day. I have found the best way for me to gain extra time in the day was to schedule my entire day. I like to think of it is like meal prepping but with time! I used to wonder how on earth people had time to go to work, be a good parent, go to the gym, run errands, read, watch their favorite movie and have sex! Then I learned when I scheduled my day I had to decide what was most important to me. The other stuff I had to learn to delegate (which is what inspired my business) and anything left either wasn’t important or would have to be put off and scheduled to another day or time.

So the best investment to make to find time to do it all is a calendar, and a great assistant. Seriously, you have to learn to humble yourself enough to ask for help. Learning to delegate is huge in life especially as a woman. We are taught early on that doing it all, on our own somehow makes us a better wife or mother when that is so far from the truth.

The saying that goes “if momma ain’t happy nobody’s happy” is so true! Having a wife that takes time to eat healthy, exercise, and manage a household with help leads to a much happier, sexier and sane person to live with.

To gain time starting today. Go buy some kind of calendar and start pre-planning your day and week. I have used several calendars over the years, but this year I personalized my own calendar from https://www.limelifeplanners.com. I know several people who like to use the calendars on their phones but there is something about writing it down on paper that helps my brain register and remember. Whatever avenue you prefer just be consistent and set out time everyday and week to plan. It will be much easier to turn down things you don’t have time for when you write down what your priorities are for the week and can see it hour by hour.